It has been a crazy couple of weeks, and by a couple of weeks I mean a month and a half. This summer, if you can call it that, has been full of ups, downs and a bunch of family crap. My father decided to get sick, and not just the usual sick but crazy sick. He was out of work for about 6 weeks two of which where spent in the hospital. During that time I was on work duty/on-call at the hospital duty and I don’t really feel as if I have recovered from it yet.

Also there has been a few changes at work so that the boss has to work less, this is secretly or not so secretly leading me to have more work to do. Which is fine. I am enjoying the new aspects of my job, since my dad has ackknowledged that I am good with people, so allowing me to deal with people on a regular basis is a good thing. I am now realizing how annoying all of our customers are and how much I want a stick to  hit said customers with. If you happen to be a past customer of ours or a current customer I am not talking about you I am talking about everyone else.

Well that is all for now. I am back on the blogging band wagon, I hope to update again in the next week or so. We shall see.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Hello World

Not one of those super bad ass Harley riding bikers or even one of those less bad ass super bike riding bikers, no I have become a rider of bicycles kind of biker. It all started about three weeks ago when Sarah and I traded our old cruiser bikes and some cash in for the more modern urban bikes. The idea was to get into shape, preferably away from the mostly circular shape we where approaching and into more chiseled and hot shapes that people seem to find so awesome. What happened was pretty simple. We really enjoy riding our bikes. It has almost reached the point of being ridiculous. We actually consider riding our bikes before we consider taking a car if our destination is in Greeley and we could be home by dark. We are becoming those people. It started with simple trips to the grocery store, carrying backpacks full of food home. Then we where riding to blockbuster to get movies or to get ice cream, last weekend we went crazy. We rode our bikes to the bicycle store, purchased and installed a bike rack to my bike, rode to Lowes, bought a bundle of flowers and headed home.

We got quite a few stares and had a pretty good time, until on the way home Sarah got a flat tire on her new bike. Of course we had neglected to by a bike pump for the fancy abnormal valves on our new bikes so we walked over to big five sports and got a bike pump. Of course the tire had a serious hole in it and would hold any air, so Sarah started to walk home while I raced to the house and grabbed a car to go pick her up. We took her tire to the bike shop and got a thicker tube with the slime put in and had lunch.

The next day we got up early, probably due to all of the exercising and headed to the store to stock up on dinner supplies for Sarah’s birthday dinner party thing. We, or more accurately I, got greedy when loading up the bike rack. So much so that about half way home the bungee cords that where attaching the basket to the bike rack broke and the whole of our grocery load fell to its possible doom in the middle of an intersection. After a quick bit of work from Sarah and I we got my bike, the basket and ourselves out of the middle of the street and didn’t even get hit by cars. We reloaded/re bungeed the whole mess and continued on our way home, surprisingly the 6 packs of IBC Root Beer remained unbroken though the little bird statue we bought got shattered.

Since we got our bikes I have been riding to and from work and some days I have been riding my bike to all of my showings as well. The most miles I have don in one day is 16.5 and I average about 12 miles just for the commute to work. I have logged approximately 62.4 miles just commuting not counting fitness riding or anything.  According to Greeley’s SmartTrips I have saved $45.55 in car expenses, burned 2246 calories and not produced 3.19 pounds carbon monoxide emissions. Go me.

No I just need to get some Panniers for my bike so I can stop using a back pack, I am also going to try and get work to buy some plain white bicycle jerseys that we can silk screen the logos on and I can wear those instead of all of my cotton Threadless t-shirts. I also would like to get a few nicer light weight weather proof jackets so that when it starts to rain and what not I will be ready. My secret plan is to ride pretty much every day unless there is ice/snow on the ground. Oh and if anyone wants to sponsor some of these bicycle related expenses PayPal me dylan [dot] reed [at] gmail [dot] com.

Post from: dylanreed.org

I Have Become a Biker

Table of contents for Killer Whales

1. Killer whales don’t kill people
2. Killer whales….DUH!!!!
3. Killer Whales(Orcas) Revisited
4. Adopt a Killer Whale…..No Thank You
5. Top Ten Cuddly Animals
6. I Warned You

I was hanging out on the Internet and I came across this article. Dolphins, long the protectors of the human race in the sea, have been targeted by the black and white devilfish. I am of course referring to the Orca or more appropriately named Killer Whale.As I have written numerous times in the past, Orcas are not to be trusted. They have a streak of mean that is bypassed only by Hitler and possibly a vengeful god. They are the bullies and mass murderers of the sea. It is not enough to be able to eat anything you want, they have to torture and release baby seals, drown blue whales and of course capture the imagination of millions of visitors to Sea World every year.

Ranier Schimpf was leading a group of divers when they noticed that one dolphin had been separated from a pod by five of the killer whales then repeatedly rammed. The dolphin was sent flying through the air by the force of impact from whales that were several times its size. With the smaller creature finally left laying unconscious on the surface, the whales pulled it below.

This clearly shows the demon like intent of the whales, why would you hunt another intelligent being when the whole sea is your buffet. The only reason I can think is to slowly demoralize the human loving dolphins, thus paving the way for a human snack fest. This is further illustrated by this:

At that point the divers, making a decision I’ll only characterize as daring here, got into the water with the whales and kept filming them. This paid off, however. The whales, recognizing the humans as non-threatening, began to interact in a friendly way. The mother even presented the calf to one of the tourists, shielding it carefully, but allowing it to take a look at the strange visitors.

That was obviously a ploy to lure humans into a false sense of security with Orcas in the water. The older killer whales where probably telling the calf how tasty these humans would be once their protectors where dealt with. On a related note, they have yet to find the “shark” that attacked the man in San Diego. I think that it is possible that the Orcas have started their attacks and the blind human media is more comfortable naming Great White Sharks as the bad guys instead of facing the possibility that Shamu is evil.

Post from: dylanreed.org

I Warned You

And I figured out why I like CCG and what was the gateway game to get me started. Most CCG (collectible card games) take place in a fixed world. In the World of Warcraft that world is the world of Warcraft…duh. But it adds to that world something better then any RPG (meaning table top style not PC or LARP style) you don’t have to dedicate so much time to set up. Most of the games have a starter set that allows you to jump right in and play. This means that You don’t have to understand the deck building mechanics you just have to get the gist of the game rules and fumble along through a few games to get a feel for what you like. Then if you want you can start playing around with deck building. I for one enjoy the deck building portion of the game. I find a new hero and I want to build a deck around that hero.

In most table top RPG’s you spend a long long time reading and understanding the rules, creating characters, finding people to play with, putting on disguises so people won’t recognize you and telling your wife that you are just going out with the boys to a strip club or bar. With CCG’s the time commitment is much less, the characters already exist you just have to figure out your strategy and destroy your opponents. One other thing that the WoW CCG did was the raid decks. Now I haven’t had time to play any of them yet, mostly because John and I need someone else to play with so that we can have a deck master and have all sorts of fun. If anyone is a Colorado CCG player and would like to play, shot me a comment or email.

Now it is time to talk about the gateway game that will get you started playing these games. The game I am talking about is BANG! the cowboy western card fame. It is packaged as an innocent play with your family type game, but at its heart is a CCG just waiting to happen. The fun part about it is that it takes into account transportation and classes in a new way. For instance if you are the sheriff you want to kill the crooks and the vigilante, if you are the vigilante you want to kill the crooks and the sheriff, if you are the crook(s) you want to kill everyone else and if you are the sheriff’s deputy you help the sheriff and take his job if he dies. The first time I played this it was in Chicago with Harper and Matiss, I think when I got my tattoo and I received it a while ago for a x-mas present. Unfortunately Sarah recognized it for what it was and we haven’t played it that much, but you never no maybe I will trick her and out friends into playing. Its either that or getting her to play the WoW one with me. Right.

There is a new book that I am reading, well it may not be new but it is awesome, called A Dirty Job. The basic story is about one man’s struggle with being death. It is one of the funniest books I have read in a while and everyone, and I mean EVERYONE, needs to read it. I am specifically looking at Harper, but the rest of you should read it as well. One of the great parts of the book is the way the author builds the relationships between the characters. That and the Hell Hounds.

Apparently there are some jokers online that are talking about the early realease of GTA IV. They even put together a pretty good looking letter about it that was supposedly sent to retailers. This fake has gotten a lot of people excited and me wish that it was true so that I could get the game sooner. Oh well.

At work it has been decided to stop using the Internet interface of Google apps and revert back to outlook. I am of the opinion that this is lame. Harper feels the same but the boss is the boss and he decided that he wants to go back to outlook and so poof we are back to outlook. Work is going good, aside from the usual issues of people not paying rents and the like, and while I enjoy the people that I work with I find the overall work frustrating.

Post from: dylanreed.org

I’ve Been Doing Some Thinking

Well maybe not ever, but it was a doozy. I finally took a weekend off of the balloon making to have a relaxing weekend of not making balloons for tips. It was a definite hit in the ol’ pocketbook but I think the relaxation was worth it. Plus Sarah and I finally where able to clean our house from top to bottom. But what made Friday night especially awesome is that John and I had ordered a box of booster decks for the World of Warcraft card game and it had arrived the previous night, for those of you paying attention that would be Thursday night. As you can see we ordered from the Dark Portal set and this is my half of the cards in the picture. John not only brought over a bundle of cards for me but he also bought me Taco Bell for dinner, which was delicious and tasty and only made my stomach a little sad. We quickly ate dinner and I opened my cards, what I found was a pretty good variety of standard cards and then in my last pack awesome happened. I finally have the cards necessary to make my priest hero competitive. I already have a hunter hero who pretty much owns the night, I have been trying to use my priest but he lacked abilities. I now have enough abilities to bring the noise as a priest against John’s druid. We shall see.

After I was done opening my cards John and I sat on the couch and watched Sweeney Todd. It was awesome. I cannot lie and say that I hate musicals, because deep down inside I know that I love them. And blood, I love bloody movies. This had both and to top it off cannibalism, what could be better. Johnny Depp was awesome, overall style of the movie was pure Tim Burton and, though I was worried at first, it wasn’t as gory as I had read that it was. The worst part of the movie is the slide\crash of the bodies when they are sent to the bake house. I don’t think that this movie is for everybody. I think that if you where a nun who dislikes musicals then this movie might not be for you. In fact if you hate musicals you probably should avoid Sweeny Todd as it is a musical, a bloody good musical. Sorry about that.

After enjoying Sweeny Todd John and I moved on to our new favorite pastime, killing terrorists. By killing terrorist I am, of course, referring to Rainbow 6 Vegas 2 on the Xbox 360. This is quite possibly the most fun co-op game that we have played. You have a team of four, two computers and two humans, and you spend most of the game rescuing hostages, disarming bombs and killing terrorists. It is quite a bit of fun, in a terrorist killing way. Another interesting part of the game is the addition of an almost RPG type element. As you progress through the game you gain XP which furthers your rank within the Rainbow organization. How do you gain XP? by killing terrorists of course. What do you get for leveling up? Armor, camouflage and other cosmetic equipment. On top of that they have added the ACES system which gives you credit depending on the method you employ to kill said terrorists. CQB: close quarters- killing when they are really close, Assault- killing them with explosives and Marksman- killing them from long range. Each time you reach a new ACES level it unlocks weapons. With the combination of the XP and ACES you unlock a plethora of weapons and armor making you the ultimate terrorist killing machine.

Monday, which I had off from work (thanks Dad), was spent running around getting Sarah ready for another week at school. Which of course included a little shopping, a movie and the last bit of cleaning. My little bit of shopping was buying Endless Ocean, a SCUBA simulator of sorts. What is interesting about this game is that it is addicting like crack. I have only played it for about thirty minutes and already I have the itch to explore more. The entire point, if you can call it that, is to explore and find all of the different species of fish in the game. There is a huge fictional ocean to explore and it is quite pretty to explore, even though it is on the Wii. I spent most of my time in the Coral Forest, interacting with the fish that I saw twelve years ago in Cozumel, and then headed towards the deeper ocean areas in hopes of seeing a Whale Shark or Blue Whale. Hopefully they didn’t include Orcas in the game since I don’t really want to be eaten. I have also spent a lot of time playing with an African Penguin on the deck of my boat and trying to make friends with a dolphin under water. One thing that bothers me just a little is the way that the game choose to handle DCS and other diving maladies. It chose to ignore them. You are able to go up and down and stay under for ridiculous times without you depth affecting you air consumption. I understand that it is a game, but as someone who fully understands the dangers of SCUBA diving I think that they should be mentioned at some point early in the game. Something like ” Please don’t try this without proper training” . That will just prevent Nintendo from being sued when some kid takes his parent’s SCUBA gear goes into the ocean or a lake, gets the bends, AGE or runs out of air and dies.

This next week is going to be awesome, first off a week from today is the release of GTA IV. Which means that I will be busy for most evenings and weekends playing that game. At first I wasn’t very excited about this game, I mean who needs another GTA really, but after seeing some of the videos and reading some impressions by people that have played the game, I need another GTA. I have played pretty much every game since the first one and I have enjoyed them all in their own way. The first one, which Harper brought home from college, was what really got me hooked on video games as a form of entertainment. I had always played games, but not with the enjoyment and intensity that I played the first GTA. As I moved on to the other top down GTA games I found them to be more frustrating then fun. The first one had the beauty of being the first and best of the games, it had a simplicity the led to a further enjoyment of the game. The last two top down games suffered from trying to be to complex and thus losing the fun that the first one had. Luckily they reinvented the genre and the game world when they released GTA III.

Even if they borrowed a lot of story elements from Hollywood, the simple fact that you could do anything made this game the best game ever. GTA III was great because it allowed you to follow the story and then wonder off and kill police, sleep with hookers, be a taxi driver or vigilante and, best of all, just wonder around and take in the scenery. Following the same path as the original they released GTA Vice City, a Miami Vice storied expansion/sequel that added the most important element ever added to the GTA-style game. Motorcycles. With the addition of motorcycles the world opened up and what used to be a couple of minute of screwing around for every hour played became a couple of hours screwing around for every day played. There was nothing more fun then taking a crouch rocket to the airport and heading along the runway towards a conveniently placed ramp and fling across the city. It was awesome.

When they released GTA San Andreas they had hit a wall. It was all about size. They gave up on creating a single city and instead created an entire state. They took every west coast hip hop stereotype and threw it into the game. Your crew consisted of a group of guys the could have been NWA a rising rap star reminded us all of 50-cent. There where crooked cops, turf wars and new to the game exercise. Yep exercise. There is nothing more fun then exercise. The world was huge and had a jet plan, helicopters, crazy off road vehicles and a jet pack. Even with all that it seemed forced. The area was to huge. There where vast expanses of open space and it took forever to travel somewhere you needed to go on the other side of the map. Of the three 3-d games San Andreas was the most disappointing. Because of this my hope for GTA IV where pretty slim.

But then the first trailer came out. OMG, I mean, OMFG this game looked sweet, still I wasn’t excited. Oh yeah it’s the next generation of game systems, so of course it is going sweet. Then I started to read about the game engine, the physic engine and other engines as well. It started to sound cool. Plus Rockstar had included a cover system, finally fixed the aiming issues from the previous three games and added a fully functional online multiplayer. I am still worried for the game, I am afraid that they had gone too real, gotten away from the fun of the previous game and taken it to serious. I am still going to get the game and I will probably enjoy it. I just hope that the mindless fun is still there. Though if the fun has fled I am sure that it just ended up in Saints Row 2 for this fall.

Also a quick update of this. We finally broke 1000000 spam messages blocked by google apps. And by we I actually mean me. In my account in our google apps there have been 1000000 span messages blocked. It took three days longer then my 30 day prediction but its ok cause it is awesome.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Best Friday Night Ever and Other Awesome Stuff

Recently I have been doing something that I am not proud of. It isn’t something that is in itself bad, it just isn’t something that a lot of people talk about. The real problem is that I like it, a lot. It is something that my friend Lars showed me and I have been doing it ever since. I have to buy more all the time and Lars and I sit around and use it regardless of what our spouses or significant others are doing. It is ridiculous. I had thought that I could stop and then I saw this. I am not strong enough to withstand the pull of a contest where the prize is World of Warcraft Collectible Card Game Cards. Why penny arcade, why?

I entered a story:

As they wept Reno, the great dragon, farted with glee.

I realize that Reno isn’t the best dragon name, but it makes me laugh. So wish me luck, support my habit and by all means don’t judge me a lot. Please.

Post from: dylanreed.org

WOW… I have a problem

  Recently at work, at the suggestion of my computer genius brother, we switched to Google Apps. Overall the switch has been easy-ish. One of the main reasons for the switch is that we have been getting a lot of spam. And when I say a lot of spam, I mean a ridiculous amount of spam. Part of the problem is that most of the people who work at my work have very mundane names. I get very few spam messages personally, Dylan being an uncommon name and all, but steve, john, alice, susan, daniel and christina are all fairly common names and thus seem to get a majority of the spam.

Since Google mail has a fancy spam blocker it has been fairly amazing the amount of spam it has blocked for the whole domain. just over 500000 since the last screen shot. That is a half a million blocked messages. It boggles the mind. I am secretly hopeful that I can break a million before the 30 day auto erase happens so keep your fingers crossed.

I know have most of the office running purely on Google apps with four holdouts on outlook, using IMAP and Google calendar sync for outlook. In fact I have everyone using Google calendar sync so that the outlookers can see what is on the googlers calendars and vice versa. So that is 16 computers running calendar sync. For about a week it worked fine and dandy, aside from a few email issue everything was working fine. Then it happened. The bosses computer went retarded.

It won’t sync, at all. For some reason calendar sync has given up and refuses to work. I have installed, re-installed, cleared cookies, ate some cookies and reinstalled again with no luck. I have searched the Google help groups with no luck and I have abused Harper to the point that he isn’t getting me a Christmas present this year (that last part might not be accurate). I have even submitted it to Google as a problem including a screen shot of the message. I really have no idea what to do next, so I am doing what any good tech support guy would do, I’m giving up on calendar sync on that computer. Its not worth the headache and as along as he is able to get emails and what not he should be fine. So now he updates his outlook, uses the cable to get that to his phone which syncs with Google calendars… its like magic without the magic part.

Luckily I think that for now the problem is solved. It isn’t a pretty solution but it is a solution. If you have any ideas or have seen an error like this let me know how to fix it and I will be very greatful, so greatful I will send you a T-shirt. Granted it will be a T-shirt that I got from harper and it will be a medium, but hey it will still be free.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Oh Google Calendar Sync, Your Such a Tease?

So its been a little while since I have brought the new noise with some new Awesome Guys. So here are three new ones with a couple more to come in the next few days.

Captain Chicky McDuckerson

Many years ago, before the dawn of the year 2008, a bird was born to a hedgehog and bear. This was the mundane beginnings of what would become the greatest super hero known to birdkind. He has fought the likes of El Torrence and The Snorker. But like most hero’s, his beginnings where super lame.

His mom, Francis, was a stern person, always making Chicky do his homework and not letting him go out for sports or play outside. This always made Chicky upset and he spent many hours in his room crying and wishing that he was special.

Since he never met his father he wasn’t prepared for his powers. He had left his house to go to school when it happened. He was walking along North East Hampton Avenue when he was struck by a lightning bolt of power.

He started to float off the sidewalk, not in control, not even flapping his wings. Laser beams started shooting out of his eyes and he felt different. Needless say he didn’t go to school that day. He spent that day and the rest of the next floating around the atmosphere and wondering what in the heck was going on.

Then he heard screaming, coming from… [MORE]

The Snorker, Coffee Pig

Evil agent of El Torrence the bull, The Snorker was rescued from the pig farm at a young age by his mentor El Torrence, they formed an instant bond and El Torrence has raised Snorker to be his evil henchman.

The Snorker isn’t normally a bad guy, his mom did her best to raise her son to not be evil. Unfortunately for her, and the rest of us, El Torrence was able to make him, if not evil at least he is a mediocre henchman.

He started off with petty crimes in the fields of armed robbery, diamond hiests and a casino job (failed casino job, he didn’t have Snorkers 11, he only had 6). Then El Torrence sent him to kidnap some lady, who had a bird for a son, and it all went south…[MORE]

El Torrence, Criminal Mastermind and Used Car Sales Bull

El Torrence, or Torr for short, has been a used car sales person for about 25 years. He prided himself in selling people the best mode of transportation that fit there needs. He wasn’t in it for the money, he was in it to help people.
Yeah Right!
El Torrence whole reason for getting into the car sales business is to try and increase the rate of global warming by selling more and more SUVs. His dealership specializes in gas guzzlers. He personally drives a H2 modified to use even more gas then the standard model.
Other areas that El Torrence’s evil empire specializes in our racketeering and kidnapping. With his semi faithful henchman The Snorker and an ad in the paper to recruit more henchmen he hopes to one day take over the world or destroy it, whichever comes first.[MORE]

Keep your eyes peeled for all the creatures to come.

Post from: dylanreed.org

I’m BBBBBAAAACCCCCKKKKKK

Last Saturday night I procured for myself a copy of Super Smash Bros. Brawl. Well I actually pre-ordered it on Saturday and picked it up on Sunday. It is a couple bundles worth of joy. There are a bunch of levels, a lot of characters to play with and it is very easy to pick up and play. My friend Jon and I played quite a few hours on Sunday and have continued to enjoy smash each other off of the levels.

Here is a breakdown of my favorite characters thus far:

1. Zelda: There is something about kicking ass as a princess that just feels right. I mean. Never mind. She is a great all around fighter and has the ability to teleport. I probably play as her 40% of the time. She rocks.
2. Kirby: When I first saw that Kirby was one of the fighters I started looking for the Dyson as an unlockable fighter. Alas this is not so. However being able to suck in people and steal their powers is awesome. Plus he comes in so many fabulous colors.
3. The Shock Rat: aka Pikachou is a pretty good pick up and play character. Mostly because he cheats. So much lightning and so much rage. He is an angry little bastard. Probably because he is stuck in that ball all the time.

Another great part of Smash Bros is the fun I had at lunchtime with my cousins. We quickly got lunch and then went to do battle. Basically we battled for about 45 minutes and all in all it was a fun experience. I worked out the handicapping to so that I was not owning them as much as I was at the beginning of the game. The last game was an evenly matched fun fest that was fought on top of moving cars from the F-Zero series. It was nuts.

The only downside so far is the online mode. Apparently Nintendo wasn’t paying attention to the world of online gaming. They have a random person finder that dosen’t work… ever. The friend mode is great, except I have no friends with wiis, so I have no wii-friends. I have to go to websites to find wii-friends and so far almost all of them have turned out to be total asses. At least on xbox live you can mute d-bags and continue to play them and laugh that they are losing. My first online match I was basically pummeled by two young kids on the same console that didn’t even bother to fight each other they just ganged up on me. Some day the Internet slap will work and they will all pay.

Post from: dylanreed.org

OMG SSBB TEH EPIC LULZ!!1!

Sarah and I, as I may have mentioned previously, have started Operation: Make the Compartment Awesome. The overall plan is to paint, decorate and wood floorerize our condo. We picked out floors about two weeks ago and started painting. After a color choice fiasco we picked a good color and got to painting. Two of out slaves friends came over and helped us paint and it took a lot less time then we anticipated and it looks very nice. It is the color molten peanut butter, which makes you hungry especially when it is combined with out chocolate room. Basically you can’t leave our house without craving a Reese’s peanut butter cup.

Our wood floors where supposed to be in last Wednesday, turns out that they where back ordered and won’t be in until tomorrow or so. Of course the floor people didn’t bother to call us to say “Hey your floors been back ordered.” instead I had to call them on Friday and be like “Where our floors at?” and they where like “I don’t know let me check.” then this other guy was all “They where back ordered.” and Sarah was like “I bet they forgot to order them” and I was all “Yeah what bastards!” and Sarah was like “Yeah, bastards.” It was awesome.

We have dropped some art off at the frame store and are trying to figure out what to hang where and where to get what we want. We also hung a new light fixture over the eating table and installed a storm door. A full glass storm door. We got the storm door for our cat Reno so he can see out. Apparently the glass was extra clear compared to out windows because Reno made a run for it and into the glass, much pants peeing ensued and he was one mad little kitty. The problem was that he likes to make a break for it and normally does it when the door is barely open. So his fun has been foiled proper like.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Operation: Make the Compartment Awesome

I am thinking about ordering something different for giveaways while entertaining. The most fun thing that I have found are buffalo chips:  

What do you think?

Post from: dylanreed.org

Chip on my shoulder

First off, thanks for asking. I have been up to quite a bit lately. As I mentioned in a very short previous post my tooth, ass and life where making me mad for very different reasons. Since writing that post I have been able to figure out each one and everything is going better.

For my tooth, I had it pulled. It was one of my wisdom teeth that just wouldn’t stop hurting. The tooth was huge. When they pulled it out and showed it to me I couldn’t believe how big it was. It was about the size of the tip of my thumb. Yeah that big. Unfortunately do to some craziness about bio-hazards and what not I was unable to take it home with me and make a necklace or paper weight out of it.

Since my tooth was bothering me and I pulled it, I am pretty sure that is what my ass was afraid of. I had to go in and get a scope done to check for bad things and luckily there was nothing up there. Let me just tell everyone that may care that getting a scope isn’t really a super fun time. The stuff you have to drink for the prep will make you want to die. Imagine drinking a floor cleaner with a nice lime zest flavor. It rocks.

As far as life goes, it is getting better. My dad is sick but getting better and we finally had a little talk about how I want to go back to school and don’t really want to take over the family business. Part of this is because stress breaks my ass and partly because I would rather be poor and happy then rich and grumpy all the time.

Post from: dylanreed.org

So Dylan, What Have You Been Up To?

So it is my birthday week. I will be 27 on Valentines day…WooHoo…Or something like that.

I have an angry tooth, a pissed off butt and I generally feel frustrated with a lot of my life.

Hi Ho

Well done bitching for now. More later.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Rough WeeK

Coniglietto, or Coni for short, grew up in France. He spent most of his childhood running around the farms and what not in rural France. He came from a long line of Green Rabbits and was quite proud of his family heritage. Some of his great Granduncles had been seen running through the gardens of Louis the XIV Versailles.

You can imagine his shock when he found out that he had actually descended from peasant bunnies from Italy. In fact none of his relatives had ever been seen anywhere near Versailles. He vowed then and there that he would make it into Versailles garden and have his picture taking next to the Equestrian Statue of Louis the XIV.

He headed towards the palace, running along the road so as not to get lost. As he approached Versailles he came across a little fair. He had been walking a long time and figured that he could stop for just a little while. As he was fliting from stall to stall he came across an ice cream cone that some poor kid had dropped.

The ice cream smelled so good, like mint leaves and milk, he had to give it a try. It was heaven. He quickly ate all of the ice cream on the ground and becoming crazed ran around looking for more. As the fair day ended he had located the ice cream vendors stall and was ready for operation Mint Ice Cream.

After the moon had set, Coni set off on his mission. He crept ever closer to the stall, listening every step for any sound of guards. He clamored up the side of the stall and started to pry the window open. Just has he had the window open a little bit, there was a sudden noise…[more]

I also sold Blue Bunny… more super heros to come

Post from: dylanreed.org

I Love Myself an Ice Cream Loving Bunny

One of the best known bunny scholars is none other then Dr. Thaddeus P. Hare. At a young age Thad noticed that he was different then the other bunnies, smarter, and as he thought, better then all of the other bunnies.

He quickly moved to the top of his class at school and was then pushed forward into the upper level classes. As he moved further up in the school system he kept his belief that no one could possibly be smarter then him.

He graduated high school when he was 3 years old, which is like 14 in human years, and headed of to BSU (Bunny State University), home of the Fighting Carrots. His first year was a disaster. For the first time he was being challenged and forced to work hard at school work.

He got his act together in his sophomore year and was soon pursuing a double major in biology and history. He was also pursuing Mary Anne Bunnee, daughter of the Dean of students. Theirs was a young love, the kind you read about in fairytale books.

He was a dashing young college student, she was just finishing high school, they had everything they could ever want. Then disaster struck. [more]

Post from: dylanreed.org

Thaddeus P. Hare

If you have ever been to a jazz club you have probably seen this Hip-Cat roaming around. He dances and dances, wooing the ladies and charming the guys. He never fights or bad mouths anyone, he just spends his time looking cool. Of course it wasn’t always like that…

Brutus’ first memory is not a fond one. He remembers waking up to the sound of fighting, his brothers and sisters where at it again. It seemed that anytime that he was sleeping his siblings would find somehthing to fight about. After many sleepless nights listening to them fighting Brutus decided to run away.

He choose his luggage carefully: a hat, some money and his favorite record, The Chipmunks do Jazz. He wondered through town aimlessly at first, going to the barber shop, listening at a local school and dreaming of someday being a star.
After his first day on the streets, Brutus had only a little money left and wasn’t sure how he would get anymore. He though about going home but when he thought about the arguing, fighting and the lack of sleeping his resolve firmed up and he headed towards the music district.

A few days later he was trying to decide… [more] 

This is a creature that I like a lot. He has an uplifting story, a great face and he is plaid. What more do you want. He is the first creature made from the 90 degree socks that I bought in Japan. These socks are great because instead of have a 45 degree heel it is 90 degrees. So the creatures have less lips and more of a snout. It rules.

I also sold Fuzzy Sofa. So he will soon be off to join a new family who will love his lanky-ness and his sweetness.

Post from: dylanreed.org

Et Tu Brutus

I was lucky enough to sell two of my Awesome Guys this weekend. It was quite exciting and nice to finally sell something. I just need to keep this momentum going and sell many many more. One of the creatures is going to Chicago and one is headed to Taiwan. Awesome. So this is a fond farewell to Boneheaded Eustace

Have fun in Taiwan, you where Sarah’s Favorite and we will miss you. Rock on you Bonehead

and to Abby Normal

You are going to a nice family and they will be nice to you. Hopefully you are able to make peace with your friend on your back.

Alright, out with the old and in with the new.

In the Ice Cube Tribe the young are honed in the art of battle. The first thing they learn is the story of Long One, Great Shaman and Warrior.
Long One was born in the usual way, falling out of the sky, he grew up quickly and excelled in the way of the warrior. He learned all of the normal fighting styles but created his own style that became known as the Starfall Style. Learning the Starfall takes many years of dedication and is said to open up another awareness known as the StarEye.
Long One left the tribe on his 13th birthday on a vision quest, as was required by all thirteen year olds, he was sent southwest and was not expected to return. Every other Thirteen sent south west had been eaten by weasels.
The evening before he left he was given his name. During the naming ceremony it was reported that there was 25 or more falling stars in the sky. This was a wonderful sign since one falling star during your naming ceremony meant that you where to be a shamon of the tribe upon… [more]

Shiny Eyes spent his formative years as a pirates assistant, on the oceans of the Hibbitybippity. He sailed upon the good ship Flabber. He was the first mate under Bluebrows, who defeated Redbrows for the job of captain.
After spending 25 years swabbing decks and stealing from the man, he decided to take his chances panning for gold in the American Rockies. He got to port in New York and quickly purchased a donkey named Steve, a pick ax and of curse a pan.
He took a quick course in gold panning at GPU (Gold Panning University), where he learned that he wasn’t going to be able to actually pan for gold, since he is a pillow and would absorb a… [more]

One of the few communist cats to make it out from behind the Iron Curtain, Red Kitty is an inspiration to us all. He spent most of his time as the puppet leader of the Mouse Workers Party and then, after a fluffy coup, rose to be Czar of his house.
His first and most endearing act was when he sacrificed his legs and arms to save some of his mousederlings from being sucked up a vacuum cleaner. After that he made friends with the leader of the democratic party in some big fancy democratic country and got out of there as quickly as possible.
Red now spends his time wondering around the world preaching equal rights to all. He is a firm… [more]

Post from: dylanreed.org

Two Sold, Three More Listed

Here is the first sock creature entirely my own design. She is awesome and she rules and she is an experiment gone horribly horribly wrong. She thinks your pretty and wants to get to know you better. I have also changed the name of my Etsy shop from Awesomeguy’s creature shop to just Awesome Guys. I think that the name Awesome Guys is a better fit for how awesome I think these creatures are. Well once again check them out and enjoy.

There are times when science creates something that benefits all man kind and there are times when a scientist creates something that make him or a bunch of other people lots and lots of money. Abby is neither of those.

She started out, as most sock creatures do, minding her own business, hanging around a sock drawer and eating bon-bons. Everything was going fine until she decided to get a part time job at the lab.

The pay was great, her co-workers seemed nice and she was advancing faster then she expected. She had already been asked to help on an upcoming project. A project entitled: Sew Luc to Abby Back.

You would think that the name would have tipped her off straight away, but…[more]

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Abby Normal

Harper, my wonderful and helpful brother, recently suggested that I make a story for all of the creatures I am trying to sell on Etsy. Well I did just that. I wrote wonderful little stories for all of my little creatures. I figured I would share them with the world via my blog and I hope you enjoy them.

Phil is the most exercising-est one-eyed bunny you can find. He was a contestant on one of those fancy weight loss tv shows and while he wasn’t a winner he found that he loved exercising. Being born a cycloptic bunny was hard on both Phil and his parents, Cocoa and Nuts. He grew up in a community the shunned his difference and as such he just ate and ate and ate.
By the age of 16 he weighed over 2 pounds and his parents where worried about his future. After getting kicked out of numerous camps for over weight bunnies he was on the road to ruin when a TV station, that shall remain nameless, saw him wondering the streets and offered him a spot on the show.
He was able to fight to stay on the show for six of the eight weeks. He dropped form over 2 pounds… [more]

Bob got his start, as any young blob does, in horror movies, the problem was that he was just to nice. Every time he was supposed to absorb someone he would apologize to the person ruining the movie and his career.
Bob drifted from job to job. You might have seen him selling used cars or in the circus as an acrobat. You might have even seen him working on a certain candidates presidential campaign.
After all of that time spent wondering from job to job, place to place and person to person, he realized that he needed to go on a mission of self discovery.
It was on this mission that he made friends with a tribe of indigenous people living on the Canadian shield. This tribe, who where made up mostly of… [more]

Soupcooler is just the nickname of everyones favorite cheerleader. Her real name is Candice Marie Bouldershims. She was the top of her class at Bouldershims Academy, helped of course by the fact that her father was the headmaster and her mother the only teacher.
Once she left home school and headed off to college she discovered her true calling, Cheer leading. She was a natural, always smiling always cheering, she was able to lead her squad to 17 national championships in one year.
As time went by she realized that she was the best cheerleader in the world and started brag about it. She would tell anyone that would listen that she could do the splits longer then any other cheerleader.
Then it happened, a challenger approached that she wasn’t ready for. A robot built by the… [more]

This handsome creature is known as Lips the Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker though he used to be known as Lips the Fastest Kisser in the west. He traveled the land as kissing sheriff keeping the outlaws at bay and the driving the girls crazy.
It all happened one sunny, dusty afternoon, Lips had just entered the town of Liongulch for a stop at his favorite saloon. He had hoped to catch the eye of piano player and dancer of no large talent, Maude. As he entered the saloon he noticed that the usual people where sitting in their usual places and he got the usual stares from the locals.
He settled up to the bar and ordered a vinegar apple soda with a bendy straw and umbrella. He winked at Maude and she started to play his favorite song. Lips sat there lost in the moment when suddenly there was a loud clang.
Looking towards the door Lips saw none other then Kissy the Kid. Lips and Kissy had gone to different schools together and hated each other with the fire of one campfire. As they stood standing there something inside of Lips broke. He started to quiver, first his lips, then his knees.
As Kissy the Kid approached the bar Lips fainted dead away. Ever since then he has been know as Lips, the Yellow Bellied Sap Sucker. [more]

Leader of the Flugs, he grew up as there prince (duh), he spent his formative years under the tutelage of Meredeth, Lord of Ping-Pong. After many long months of training he was sent on a Quest, a quest to destroy the evil Cotton Candy Demons of the Carnival Mountains.
Most people thought that Prince Susan would fail. He was, after all, quite small being just five inches tall and have stubby little arms. What most people didn’t know was that Meridith had trained young Susan in the art of tounge lashing. He had also equipped our young hero with the infamous Tongue of Truth.
This tongue, blue in color, allows Susan to point out peoples flaws in such away… [more]

Eustace, lead singer of the Flaming Toilets, has been around the block. Seriously she took her car and drove it around the block. Discovered at a young age on the streets of Omaha Nebraska she has grown to international fame as a rock star and a advocate for avocados.
Here most famous work came in late 2007 when she openly spoke out against the exploitation of avocados in the making of guacamole. She told the press and public that she didn’t understand peoples need to eat what looks and tastes like (trust her she knows) boogers.
Since then she has gone on to start AvoAide to help families broken up by the slaughter of avocados all across the country. She has since been banned from performing in any grocery store and farm in Colorado, Iowa, North… [more]

More to come and I will try to introduce them one at a time from now on. Also any comments on the creatures and any ideas for stories would be greatly appreciated.

Post from: dylanreed.org

My Etsy Shoppe and the Stories I Tell

I recently got asked to start making balloon animals at the local TGI Fridays on Saturday evenings. This means that I will start obsessing over balloons again. Which is good because they are awesome. They have changed a lot since I first started. Electric pumps are now super expensive and fancy, there is a whole company dedicated to aprons and the like and there are twice as many colors offered by the company I use for balloons as well as three other companies. Here is a video about balloon dogs, it is a little sad but is quite enjoyable. So enjoy.

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Balloons Are Awesome